1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:03,760 Who loves me even though I'm crazy? 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,400 And nothing that I say is true. 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:14,780 Who won my heart and soul forever? It's nobody else but, nobody else 4 00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:18,940 but. Each time I feel I'm out to pasture. 5 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,500 Who always makes me feel brand new? 6 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:27,220 I'm pledging my allegiance, baby, to nobody. 7 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,340 Say it. No. 8 00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:33,280 Just let me hear it. No. 9 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,700 No, come on, come on. Spit it out. 10 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,580 Why can't you ever admit you're wrong? I mean, look at yourself. 11 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,780 You're swinging six ways from Sunday. I'm fine. 12 00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:44,600 You never listen to me. 13 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,420 You're going to wear yourself out with this benefit. 14 00:00:51,340 --> 00:00:53,200 It's for a very worthy cause. 15 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:54,700 Yeah, crucial. 16 00:00:55,060 --> 00:01:01,230 Look. The Hawaiian hula retirement home houses over 40 women who have given 17 00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:02,530 their hips to island entertainment. 18 00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:06,230 And I am their only voice. 19 00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:08,390 Aren't you the big kahuna? Hey! 20 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:13,950 Plus, you've got the new album and the concert and Rose's school stuff. Oh, my 21 00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:15,950 God. What time is the soccer game today? 22 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,009 I'll go. 23 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:17,969 I'll go. 24 00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:19,630 You don't have time to go to the bathroom. 25 00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,770 I went last August. 26 00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:25,650 to be. 27 00:01:26,550 --> 00:01:28,810 Just admit that you put too much on your plate. 28 00:01:29,070 --> 00:01:30,070 I'm fine. 29 00:01:35,490 --> 00:01:36,750 I'll tell you something else. 30 00:01:37,690 --> 00:01:38,690 Forty -eight. 31 00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:39,850 Forty -nine. 32 00:01:40,070 --> 00:01:42,030 Will you stop that? Thirty -one. Here. 33 00:01:43,510 --> 00:01:45,930 Just ease up a little, okay? Just for today. 34 00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:47,630 Okay, okay. 35 00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:50,790 My shrink. I have a shrink appointment at four. I'll cancel. I'll cancel my 36 00:01:50,790 --> 00:01:51,850 shrink. Oh, please, God, no. 37 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,600 Excuse me for trying to become a complete human being. 38 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,200 Do you think you're the only person who can save the world? 39 00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,580 I mean, your ego is astonishing. 40 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,740 I have no ego. 41 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:06,620 And if you don't believe me, ask my millions of adoring fans. 42 00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:11,840 Just three words. I was wrong. Can you just give me that? How about I give you 43 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:12,840 two words? 44 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:16,860 You will rue the day that you... I rue this... 45 00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:25,430 is something else. 46 00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:04,790 The number for the big benefit? 47 00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:06,090 Yes, I may be. 48 00:03:06,410 --> 00:03:07,410 And? 49 00:03:07,650 --> 00:03:10,430 Oh, it's just impossible, that's all. 50 00:03:10,670 --> 00:03:12,750 Who? I don't want to talk about it, Connie. 51 00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,410 And? 52 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,450 Oh, excuse me, Professor Roy. 53 00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:18,830 I'll tell you what I'll give you a Ph .D. in. 54 00:03:19,170 --> 00:03:20,170 Kissing my ass, okay? 55 00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:24,030 What? I don't want to talk about it, okay? 56 00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,010 Are you ready? Yes. Let's go. 57 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,290 And? 58 00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:31,390 Oh, God, now I'm completely flummoxed. What are we singing? 59 00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:33,070 Happy Talk. 60 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:36,659 on these gestures? 61 00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,000 Surprise me. Okay. 62 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,780 Happy talk, keep talking, happy talk. 63 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,580 Talk about things you like to do. 64 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,220 My fingers don't look happy. 65 00:03:52,340 --> 00:03:54,100 Do my fingers look happy to you? 66 00:03:54,340 --> 00:03:55,840 Oh, very much so, yes. 67 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,660 Are you just humoring me? Very much so, yes. 68 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:04,140 Happy talk, keep talking, happy talk. 69 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:12,600 Oscar, give me your socks. 70 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,340 Has she been overtaxing herself again? 71 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,100 Well, she had leaves in her hair and demanded my thoughts. 72 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:21,800 I see. 73 00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:23,220 Well, 74 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,340 it's nothing serious, but if you want to sing at that benefit, you won't be able 75 00:05:27,340 --> 00:05:29,380 to talk for at least another 24 hours. 76 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:41,580 Here you go, sweetheart. Now, is there anything else you need before we go? 77 00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:58,010 It's a straw. She wants a straw. 78 00:05:59,810 --> 00:06:02,930 There we go. All right, soldier on, love. There we are. 79 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,650 Yes, yes, yes. 80 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,270 Hey. 81 00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:19,390 You know, I was feeling really bad about how we left things this morning, so I 82 00:06:19,390 --> 00:06:21,510 figured I'd stop home for lunch. 83 00:06:25,580 --> 00:06:27,420 Oh, what? You're not speaking to me now? 84 00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:32,460 That's just great. 85 00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:35,340 Really very mature. 86 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:46,120 You know, you have to be one of 87 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,860 the most childish, stubborn people I have ever met. 88 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,670 Oh, hold on. 89 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:02,650 What? She is? Oh, would you hold on, Bette? Barbara Streisand's on the other 90 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:03,650 line. 91 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,880 But never mind. Looks like my problem's been solved. 92 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,060 But thanks anyway. Maybe next time. Bye -bye. 93 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,700 Oh, really? 94 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:22,780 That was terrible. 95 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,440 Yes, I know. Yes. 96 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,840 Oh, the poor thing. Oh, I know. 97 00:08:28,780 --> 00:08:30,560 I do a good Penny Marshall. Go on, go on. 98 00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,380 All night long. 99 00:09:25,389 --> 00:09:26,910 So, what's on your mind today? 100 00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:28,730 Oh, Roy. 101 00:09:30,230 --> 00:09:31,230 You had a fight. 102 00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:35,030 Oh, look, if this is about the toilet seat again, I just can't. 103 00:09:36,390 --> 00:09:37,390 Something bigger? 104 00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:38,790 Oh, go on. 105 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,730 Oh, he treats you like a child. 106 00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:44,410 Did you two discuss this? 107 00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:01,630 all out the window again. 108 00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:08,910 Do you think your problems with Roy go back to your issues with communication? 109 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,770 Okay, I've talked to you about speaking to me like that. 110 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:16,949 Let's go back. 111 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:21,410 We tend to set our relationship patterns early in life. Do you remember your 112 00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:22,410 first boyfriend? 113 00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:28,630 You were a teenager back in Hawaii. Yes, go on. What were you like? 114 00:10:33,530 --> 00:10:35,930 But then one day... 115 00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:41,890 A boy. 116 00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:44,230 Oh, what was he like? 117 00:10:49,630 --> 00:10:52,690 Oh, hang ten, moon doggy. 118 00:10:56,630 --> 00:10:58,330 Tell me about your first date. 119 00:11:33,770 --> 00:11:35,050 The night of the dance. 120 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:37,590 The prom. 121 00:11:42,230 --> 00:11:43,230 The luau. 122 00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:54,830 It started to rain and rain and rain and there were waves and a storm, a 123 00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:57,050 terrible blowing wind storm. 124 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:23,370 up with you he broke your heart tell me more 125 00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:46,410 I think we've made a real breakthrough today. 126 00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:48,930 I'll bill you for the lamp. 127 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:53,210 Oh, hang on. I'll ride down with you. I've got an appointment downstairs. 128 00:12:59,970 --> 00:13:02,010 My nutritionist is in this building. 129 00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:04,290 He's put me on this all -legume diet. 130 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:10,210 You have no idea how many things you can do with lentils once you put your mind 131 00:13:10,210 --> 00:13:11,210 to it. 132 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,660 offshore drilling in the Malibu Dolphin Sanctuary. 133 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:30,320 So far, approaching me is one of this town's brightest stars. 134 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:33,200 Beth, are you here to lend your support to the protesters? 135 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,540 In other words, you're here in support of the oil companies. 136 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:42,600 You heard it here first. The Divine Miss M has sanctioned dolphins to an oily 137 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,600 death. 138 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,320 You just can't keep her mouth shut. 139 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,440 Fine. Just have the photographers there in the morning. Thank you. 140 00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:26,380 Okay. Damage control. We've got to be in Malibu at six. You're in hair and 141 00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:28,520 makeup by seven. You're riding dolphins by eight. 142 00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:31,040 So shave your legs and look friendly. 143 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,660 I know, sweetheart. 144 00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:38,300 You've had quite a day, haven't you? But maybe you should ease up a little bit. 145 00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:41,330 I mean, what I'm really saying here is don't you think maybe Roy was right? 146 00:16:42,230 --> 00:16:44,430 Yes, he was right. Are you going to tell him? 147 00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:48,870 Well, what are you going to do? Just keep pretending you're not talking to 148 00:16:48,890 --> 00:16:50,810 All right, fine. Do what you want to do. I got to go. 149 00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:56,090 Because I have to go. 150 00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:58,690 Because I have a date. 151 00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:01,010 Well, I could. 152 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,290 Hi. Hiya, sweetie. 153 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,839 Your mother's lost her voice. 154 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,800 Somewhere an angel's just got his wings. 155 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,500 Lee, you were overdoing it. Daddy was right. 156 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,319 Oh, he is too, my father. 157 00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:34,340 You really lost your voice? 158 00:17:35,340 --> 00:17:36,340 Like, totally. 159 00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:38,580 Okay, Mom. 160 00:17:38,820 --> 00:17:39,820 Let's talk. 161 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:47,240 I really hated lying to you about this, and... Wow, this is hard. 162 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,400 Now I'm not smoking. 163 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:53,200 No. 164 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,260 You spelled it wrong, but I'm not. 165 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,700 It's just one G. 166 00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:09,110 Mom, here's the thing. 167 00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,670 I never saw Drowning Mona. 168 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:14,109 I know. 169 00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:18,610 I know. I said I did, and I tried. I really tried. But I was the only one in 170 00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:21,610 theater, and it was kind of creepy with just me and all those, you know, 171 00:18:21,770 --> 00:18:22,770 thieves. 172 00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:26,950 And still I managed to stay for like ten minutes of it. 173 00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:30,010 I said, geez, Mom, come on. What were you thinking? 174 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:51,760 All right, sweetie, I'm going. Would you just do everybody a favor and make 175 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:52,760 peace with your husband? 176 00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:54,660 Hello? 177 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,520 She still mad? 178 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:04,800 She didn't say. 179 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,340 So, how's my little Hawaiian honey bun? 180 00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:20,620 You doing okay? 181 00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:22,540 Mm -hmm. 182 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,180 Really? No kidding. 183 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,400 Is that so? 184 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,360 So, it's finally come to this, huh? 185 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:40,940 You know, I always heard about couples running out of things to say to each 186 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:41,940 other, but, uh... 187 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,200 You know, I never thought it could possibly happen to us. 188 00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:47,400 Brother, what a chump I am. 189 00:19:49,580 --> 00:19:50,580 Oh, well. 190 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,560 I was wrong. 191 00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:58,420 I'm sorry, what? 192 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,560 Rose told me. 193 00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:16,260 Touchdown, Roy! 194 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,280 Shh, shh, shh, shh. Just don't say a word. 195 00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:25,460 And remember, sometimes I know what I'm talking about, all right? 196 00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:30,040 Now, you're going to be very quiet, and let me take care of you for the rest of 197 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,040 the night, all right? 198 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:32,800 Come here. 199 00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:13,340 And she had some A chicken -ass thing, a goldfish with a milk and apple. 200 00:21:13,580 --> 00:21:14,880 Traveller. No 201 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:31,140 pop, 202 00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:32,260 no fun. 203 00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:35,540 You. 204 00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,140 Nobody but you.